Hair cut gone awry!

Well, I am back after a brief hiatus. It seems that Delhi's winter also left along with me on my travel to Jhansi (Orchha). Well, that's an other issue. You might ask, why this long break? Well, for one, I was seriously considering scrapping off this blogging business. Why? Coz, I felt really shitty after seeing all the wonderful blogs. In comparison, I felt a dog could write better. No, I am not talking about professional bloggers. I am talking about sane, normal guys who were working in companies like E&Y and still find time to write extremely good original articles in their blogs. Where as, I am doing nothing but creating an a$$ out of myself. But, what the heck, I am bored with nothing better to do!

Ok, now to my real story. Its been quite some time since I had my last haircut. So, today after the STC presentation which was wondefully short, I managed to go to the barber. I don't know what whim took over me then. Everything was going on fine. With haircut over, the guy asked if I wanted a shave. Feeling too lazy to do it myself, I assented to his request.

Shaving over, now the guy asks me for maalish. Hmm.. Now this is interesting. In my close to two years stay at Delhi, I haven't had a maalish! And I've seen and heard guys telling me its really good. So, I thought, what the heck, this is gong to be my last haircut at Delhi, so let me pamper myself with a maalish. Now here is where the fun starts. The guys pours oil in my head and then sprays water all over.

I was wondering how water and oil will even mix, when I found someone tugging at my hair. Before I could even realize it, the guy had nicely spread out the mixture all over my head. I meanwhile was enjoying all the pampering my head was getting. Then all of a sudden.. THUD! What the.. Before I could realize.. another THUD! this one even more forceful. The guy started pounding my head. I closed my before before another thud makes my eyeballs jump out of the socket.

This was followed by even more tugging of my hair, more thuds, more massaging (not gently) let me remind you, for what I felt like eternity. I have experienced my dad keeping oil in my head and somehow this felt vaguely familiar. Maybe my dad's north indian educational life had certain side effects!

I wondered how this guy could generate so much pressure with his fingers. Now, the head part over, he started pounding on my forehead, later pressing my eye sockets (I seriously felt that he was intending to pry my eyes out), my sinus points, my neck and shoulder blades finishing it off with my arms.

It felt good though in a strange kind of way! No, the story does not end here. The guy asked if I needed a facial. Hmm.. Facial is it. I've never ever done this one either. But my wallet wasn't exactly bulging. So, I warily asked him the rate. He said it starts from 50 and goes all the way upto 450. I had a little shock when I realized that people were also paying 450 bucks for a facial! (I quickly calculated that I would have managed close to a year and half of haircuts for that amount)

Seeing me hesitating, he quickly had a scan at my face and told me that I had a lot of black heads in my face and that with a 70 rupee option, I also get an aloe vera face scrub free. (Now don't ask me what that is supposed to mean, coz I don't know). I think it must be that woozy feeling after the maalish that made me do it. I accepted his 70 bucks facial offer. (Just what was I thinking!)

He brandished a hair clip (i think its a hair clip, the U shaped thing small girls usually wear). Then he started applying some cream on my face. Another round of massaging started, though not very rough. He was spreading the cream everywhere, including my ears, over the eyes etc., Then another cream, this one over the previous one and the same massage followed. And then the fun started, he brought some equipment (In hindsight, it was a carborundum stone roller) that he fixed to the power socket, turned it on... and the entire world went out...

It was vibrating pretty hard over my face. It was not paining, but I cant bear the thing on a particular spot on my face for more than 1 second. Thankfully, he moved the thing along the entire face. By the time he reached the nose, I couldn't breathe. (What was he thinking? Of killing me?) This was becoming unbearable with every passing moment. I was rueing over my decision to accept the facial. When he stopped for a second. I felt a surge of relief. But it proved very shortlived as he started it again and kept it on my face. But this time, the vibration was pretty low. He asked me how does it feel. (What guts!)

I replied that this one was better than the last one. He replied that this is for the ladies, so saying he made the vibration harder and started it all over again. (In hindsight, I feel he must have seen me squirming and struggling at my seat and wanted some entertainment). Finally it was over. I was thankful that my facial was over.

I was about to get up, when he ask me to sit down mentioning that the Aloe Vera face scrub is yet to be done. OK. I had gone through half the hell, why not the other half. Again another layer of cream, another massage. And then, he pressed my nose, so hard I felt he was trying to peel it. I felt a sharp pain on my nose, something akin to pouring concentrated sulphuric acid over my nose. Another one again. Then the other side of my nose. I couldn't bear the pain. Tears were streaming from my eyes.

Finally he took his hands off my soft, sensitive nose. Then I felt a rod (steel) prick my face at a particular spot. By this time, I was sure he was the joker of the 'Saw' movie and derived a sadistic pleasure off other people's pain. I felt wrenching of my skin in the face. I was sure it must be bleeding (my face) and was wondering where to sue him. 'Yeh dekho sir, itna black heads nikhal diya'. He was prodly showing his result. I just opened my one eye and saw some stuff on a cotton. Then another wrench in my skin. Finally it was over.

He dabbed my face with wet towel (hot water) and it felt like heaven. At this point I thanked God for giving me the strength to carry on this ardor till the end! I peeked in the mirror and what did I see? My nose was a deep red in color from the wounds of the battle. I thought it will go off in sometime and furtively made it to my hostel without any further ado and took a shower. When I looked into the mirror after the shower, the red bloated nose was still there. Hmm.. What the heck. I quickly dressed and went out. I must have looked like a clown with a red ball over his nose, except that mine was all natural. Whoever saw me today from afternoon may be wondering whether I rammed my nose into a brick wall.

I got from my girl friend that this is the same procedure for the girls (blackhead removal) and that they do it frequently too, to keep their face spotless. I wonder how could they put up with so much pain so often in their quest for a clean face. Hats off to their perseverance.

And as for my experience, which could have ended right after the haircut, I have only myself to blame. But this is one experience, rather one achievement, that will take a long time to forget!