Hair cut gone awry!

Well, I am back after a brief hiatus. It seems that Delhi's winter also left along with me on my travel to Jhansi (Orchha). Well, that's an other issue. You might ask, why this long break? Well, for one, I was seriously considering scrapping off this blogging business. Why? Coz, I felt really shitty after seeing all the wonderful blogs. In comparison, I felt a dog could write better. No, I am not talking about professional bloggers. I am talking about sane, normal guys who were working in companies like E&Y and still find time to write extremely good original articles in their blogs. Where as, I am doing nothing but creating an a$$ out of myself. But, what the heck, I am bored with nothing better to do!

Ok, now to my real story. Its been quite some time since I had my last haircut. So, today after the STC presentation which was wondefully short, I managed to go to the barber. I don't know what whim took over me then. Everything was going on fine. With haircut over, the guy asked if I wanted a shave. Feeling too lazy to do it myself, I assented to his request.

Shaving over, now the guy asks me for maalish. Hmm.. Now this is interesting. In my close to two years stay at Delhi, I haven't had a maalish! And I've seen and heard guys telling me its really good. So, I thought, what the heck, this is gong to be my last haircut at Delhi, so let me pamper myself with a maalish. Now here is where the fun starts. The guys pours oil in my head and then sprays water all over.

I was wondering how water and oil will even mix, when I found someone tugging at my hair. Before I could even realize it, the guy had nicely spread out the mixture all over my head. I meanwhile was enjoying all the pampering my head was getting. Then all of a sudden.. THUD! What the.. Before I could realize.. another THUD! this one even more forceful. The guy started pounding my head. I closed my before before another thud makes my eyeballs jump out of the socket.

This was followed by even more tugging of my hair, more thuds, more massaging (not gently) let me remind you, for what I felt like eternity. I have experienced my dad keeping oil in my head and somehow this felt vaguely familiar. Maybe my dad's north indian educational life had certain side effects!

I wondered how this guy could generate so much pressure with his fingers. Now, the head part over, he started pounding on my forehead, later pressing my eye sockets (I seriously felt that he was intending to pry my eyes out), my sinus points, my neck and shoulder blades finishing it off with my arms.

It felt good though in a strange kind of way! No, the story does not end here. The guy asked if I needed a facial. Hmm.. Facial is it. I've never ever done this one either. But my wallet wasn't exactly bulging. So, I warily asked him the rate. He said it starts from 50 and goes all the way upto 450. I had a little shock when I realized that people were also paying 450 bucks for a facial! (I quickly calculated that I would have managed close to a year and half of haircuts for that amount)

Seeing me hesitating, he quickly had a scan at my face and told me that I had a lot of black heads in my face and that with a 70 rupee option, I also get an aloe vera face scrub free. (Now don't ask me what that is supposed to mean, coz I don't know). I think it must be that woozy feeling after the maalish that made me do it. I accepted his 70 bucks facial offer. (Just what was I thinking!)

He brandished a hair clip (i think its a hair clip, the U shaped thing small girls usually wear). Then he started applying some cream on my face. Another round of massaging started, though not very rough. He was spreading the cream everywhere, including my ears, over the eyes etc., Then another cream, this one over the previous one and the same massage followed. And then the fun started, he brought some equipment (In hindsight, it was a carborundum stone roller) that he fixed to the power socket, turned it on... and the entire world went out...

It was vibrating pretty hard over my face. It was not paining, but I cant bear the thing on a particular spot on my face for more than 1 second. Thankfully, he moved the thing along the entire face. By the time he reached the nose, I couldn't breathe. (What was he thinking? Of killing me?) This was becoming unbearable with every passing moment. I was rueing over my decision to accept the facial. When he stopped for a second. I felt a surge of relief. But it proved very shortlived as he started it again and kept it on my face. But this time, the vibration was pretty low. He asked me how does it feel. (What guts!)

I replied that this one was better than the last one. He replied that this is for the ladies, so saying he made the vibration harder and started it all over again. (In hindsight, I feel he must have seen me squirming and struggling at my seat and wanted some entertainment). Finally it was over. I was thankful that my facial was over.

I was about to get up, when he ask me to sit down mentioning that the Aloe Vera face scrub is yet to be done. OK. I had gone through half the hell, why not the other half. Again another layer of cream, another massage. And then, he pressed my nose, so hard I felt he was trying to peel it. I felt a sharp pain on my nose, something akin to pouring concentrated sulphuric acid over my nose. Another one again. Then the other side of my nose. I couldn't bear the pain. Tears were streaming from my eyes.

Finally he took his hands off my soft, sensitive nose. Then I felt a rod (steel) prick my face at a particular spot. By this time, I was sure he was the joker of the 'Saw' movie and derived a sadistic pleasure off other people's pain. I felt wrenching of my skin in the face. I was sure it must be bleeding (my face) and was wondering where to sue him. 'Yeh dekho sir, itna black heads nikhal diya'. He was prodly showing his result. I just opened my one eye and saw some stuff on a cotton. Then another wrench in my skin. Finally it was over.

He dabbed my face with wet towel (hot water) and it felt like heaven. At this point I thanked God for giving me the strength to carry on this ardor till the end! I peeked in the mirror and what did I see? My nose was a deep red in color from the wounds of the battle. I thought it will go off in sometime and furtively made it to my hostel without any further ado and took a shower. When I looked into the mirror after the shower, the red bloated nose was still there. Hmm.. What the heck. I quickly dressed and went out. I must have looked like a clown with a red ball over his nose, except that mine was all natural. Whoever saw me today from afternoon may be wondering whether I rammed my nose into a brick wall.

I got from my girl friend that this is the same procedure for the girls (blackhead removal) and that they do it frequently too, to keep their face spotless. I wonder how could they put up with so much pain so often in their quest for a clean face. Hats off to their perseverance.

And as for my experience, which could have ended right after the haircut, I have only myself to blame. But this is one experience, rather one achievement, that will take a long time to forget!

Gandhi's last words

Recently there is an engaging debate on what Gandhi's last words were before he was shot dead by Nathuram Godse. Godse has mentioned that he did not say 'Hey Ram' as was widely believed. An other version of the story goes that he said 'Ram.. Ram" before dying. Today, I read in an article about a person Venkita someone who was very close (physically) to Gandhi at the time of his death and he said that Gandhi did not utter a single word before he died.

Now why am I writing about Gandhi's last words? Seriously, what difference does it make other than a quiz question whether Gandhi uttered 'Hey Ram' or 'Ram Ram' or whatever? Does it change the fact that he is a great human being and a noble soul? Why are people even interested in this debate?

Now, I am not a Gandhian and neither do I endorse his beliefs and actions. I am very critical about some of his actions - favoritism (towards Nehru), his practices of Brahmacharism (with acts of lying nude with some female activists to showcase his self control) etc., But that does not deny his greatness. Yes, I agree his methods were unique and controversial, but he was the face of Indian freedom movement. People stood up to his requests, had belief in his words and actions and were ready to give up everything and follow his way to freedom. He was the binding force of the variegated classes of people.

So, I urge people to stop quarreling among petty issues like his last words and give the 'Father of the Nation' the respect he commands and deserves.

Microsoft's Yahoo bid

Well, its a known news that Microsoft has bid about $44 billion to acquire Yahoo and that Google has cried foul over this deal. Let me try to analyze this from 4 perspectives:

Google: It claims that Microsoft is trying to bring its monopoly in the desktop space to the realm of the internet, creating a question mark over the openness and innovation of internet - its hallmark qualities. Is this true? Well, the merger of Microsoft and Yahoo will create a powerful number 2 to Google which is a virtual monopoly in search engine space. More than 50% of the chat and email space and 10% of the entire internet search space is occupied by these 2 players compared to 75% of the internet search space by Google. Google is slowly encroaching into Microsoft's territory by Google Docs and other applications and this is a solid hit in the face by Microsoft giving a viable threat to Google's dominance in internet.

Microsoft: Internet is going to be the future. Be it SaaS - which is gaining more acceptance, Web 2.0 and the likes - the future revenues are from the internet. As a slow starter, Microsoft could not compete with the dominance of Google. By merging with Yahoo which has a excellent brand value, it provides a very viable second alternative to Google. Further, it can provide a composite range of advertising options which hitherto are not present through Google.

Yahoo: Yahoo has flouted in and around with rumours of takeover now and then. Yahoo has a strong brand name and loyalty by being one of the earliest players in the Internet. But its dominance in the internet has been greatly reduced with the growth of Google. Be it chat, email etc., Google is slowly encroaching into the market and mindshare of Yahoo. Its a fading brand. It has 2 options in front of it now - accept the Microsoft bid (may be at a higher price / valuation) or go alone (with indirect help from Google). What it does remains to be seen.

My viewpoint: The logic of Microsoft bringing its dominance into internet by taking over Yahoo is pure bullshit. Google has no authority to say it since it plays and will continue to play its virtual monopoly position in the internet to perfection. You will be surprised at the amount of information Google holds about you - right from your personal details through Gmail, to your interests through search queries, your friends circle through Orkut, your interests through YouTube, your pictures and albums through Picasa, and further your official documents through its offerings. That's a wealth of information that you entrust with a single corporate entity. Microsoft + Yahoo will prove to be a tough competitor for Google - no doubt about it. Openness and Microsoft may seem like oxymoron - but if you had an inkling of idea regarding the latest news - Microsoft has taken bold steps towards open source technology. Its integration of PDF and Open Office formats into the Microsoft Office suites is a case in point. And monopoly is not necessarily bad - Google with its search engine, Microsoft with its OS and office software, Intel with its microprocessors. I for one, do support Microsoft's takeover of Yahoo. Let's see - the future promises to be entertaining.

Globalization of diseases

I recently remembered an article that states the risk of spreading of contagious diseases due to the increasingly inter-connected world. In the olden days, thanks to lesser advances in technology, diseases were "endemic" - rather contained within a particular region or country. Today, all it takes is a single flight and the spread of the disease becomes global.

Take the example of the SARS virus. The epidemic spread has been triangulated to a single doctor in China (or rather HK) who was in contact with the diseased persons. In spite of warnings and quarantine restrictions, he made a short trip to attend some function. That was all it required. He became a carrier of the virus and spread it to all the fellow passengers in the function as well as in the flight.

A disease, that could have been contained within a particular region has become a full - blown global epidemic. Having seen movies like '28 days later', '28 weeks later' and 'I am legend' - I am convinced this poses a larger threat to us than Osama.

Hamilton becomes the target of racist abuse in Spain

This news somehow does not surprise me. Pardon me, but I am not a Hamilton hater (neither do I like him). But the instances of racist abuse has become a common day-to-day occurence especially in sports. This news marks the latest in a series of racial abuses across sports ranging from cricket to football to F1.

Makes me wonder, are we going backwards towards evolution? The more we become advanced in technology, the more we seem to go backwards in our behavior. I think everyone would agree with me that Alonso is not a true or model sportsperson. I think one of the most essential characteristic of a sportsperson is to take losing in his stride - with the chin up and Alonso has failed miserably in it.

Supporting Alonso is one thing and the people of Spain are more than entitled to do it, but racially abusing Hamilton who proved to be more than a match for Alonso especially in his rookie debut season in F1 - is this his fault that he drove faster and better than Alonso? I don't think so.

Again - take cricket! I was surprised Harbhajan got an easy sentence for his on-field behavior. Cricket was a gentleman's game. Umpire's word was considered the 'word of god' and went unquestioned. Players behaved themselves on the field. Though Australians were the masters of sledging, the recent Indian team with the likes of Harbhajan and Sreesanth seem to give more than what they got.

Sachin the 'unofficial' moderator was seen as the key influencer behind Bhajji's decision. He was supposed to have said that Bhajji might have said 'Teri maa ki' which was misinterpreted as 'monkey' against Symonds.

Since when does abusing the parents a lesser crime than calling a person 'monkey'? Strange are the ways people play games these days!